Full disclosure…
Or “the race that wasn’t supposed to be - at least not today
“
It’s been over twelve weeks since 70.3 Lake Placid. I
know I did not do a race report. In fact, I didn’t talk about it all for 3
weeks because I was so pissed. Not like me to get pissed off about a
performance but this one was supposed to be different. It might seem as if its
too late for a race report, but its connected to the end point.
Truth be told I was most worried about the swim. Also,
not like me. I only had a couple of open water opportunities this season and
they were disasters with a couple of wetsuit panic attacks. I decided I was
just going to put my head down and have a nice relaxing swim. Even relaxing I knew
I’d be okay and not need to worry about the 1:10 cut off. And, I decided to use a different strategy and
go out with a group that was one pace slower than I expected to be. This way,
maybe I could get out in front have clean water. That was a great strategy for
the swim. I had clean water and I was
on the cable 97% of the way. I never stopped to get around anyone or to sight.
When I got out of the water and looked at my watch I was blown away. My goal
for the day was a PR in each leg of the race and overall. That would’ve meant
sub :35 in the swim. I kept thinking “do I really waste that much time in the
water when I’m panicked or in a mod that I would have been that much faster?”
My watch said 21:50 - how could that be? What a slacker I’ve been! I was a few miles into the bike before I figured
it out……yards, not time idiot 2150 yards. I had a good laugh about that. Nevertheless,
it was a good swim strategy and I was relaxed. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a good
bike strategy starting two minutes later on the swim.
I was so psyched for the bike even though I was concerned
about the hills. People think Colorado is full of hills. But the front range is
flat as a pancake. If you want hills, it’s in the mountains where it’s not safe
to bike. Well, at least it isn’t if you are me. I’m sure Miranda does just fine.
I’ve always hated that first hill on the course pass the ski jumps more than
any other hill on the course, but I surprised myself climbing it. And, I surprise
myself with how much I enjoyed the descent into Keene. It was interesting
watching other people sitting on the Side of the road catching their breath
before the next part of the course - their life flashing before their eyes once
again. I stayed steady on 9N and was right where I needed to be. The next
challenge would be the cherries. The first time I climb them I stopped before
the last one, pulled over and cried. LOL. I was so tired and there was no way I
thought I could get up the last hill. (it’s funny now but it wasn’t then!) But again,
I was surprised at how comfortable I was.
I had not ever been on the new part of the course, so I didn’t
know what to expect. It wasn’t a lot of climbing but there wasn’t a lot of
speed either and it seemed to go on forever and I felt myself letting the fear of
what was ahead get to me. I also should’ve noted a decrease in my energy level
and increased my nutrition. I was hungry and was scouting bananas at every aid
station. That had never happened before, but I wasn’t mindful about it. I was
too worried about the climb out of Wilmington. I was starting to get cold and
feeling defeated before I even got to the turn onto 73. I was right at the 3 hr mark. Once I got it
in my head that I couldn’t possibly make T2 in time to meet my goal – the
biggest goal I had for the day - so why try? Save for the run. Total mistake
because I wasn’t watching the overall time. I saw Mindy Lu on my way in to
transition and just shrugged my shoulders and shook my head. It wasn’t supposed
to go that way – not today. I had absolutely no idea at that point that I had missed
the cut off by one minute. Starting one group back in the swim cost me two
minutes.
There was one last opportunity for a PR in the run. But
that quickly disappeared when, about 2 miles in, I asked some spectators what
time it was. Then it all hit me. I probably already DNF’d and I certainly
wasn’t going to make it under eight hours no matter how much of a PR I had. I started walking and contemplated turning
around and calling it quits. I have no idea why I continued. The further I
went, the more negative noise I gathered in my head and I just couldn’t get
back in the game. “See, what were you thinking PR’s – pfft.” “you are never
going to get better at this” “you came all the way from Colorado to
fail…again.” “face it, you are NOT an athlete.” And on and on and on.
It wasn’t supposed to be that way not today. I was supposed to finally get to that oval. I was
supposed enter that oval in the bests shape I had been in in years. I was
supposed to enter that oval having survived breast cancer. I was supposed to
enter that oval ready to start some exciting new things.
Instead it was my worst time for the bike and the run and
my overall 70.3’s. Oh yeah and another Lake Placid course DNF. I was angry,
devastated and mostly embarrassed. I got over the finish line and went straight
toward Mindy Lu and burst into tears. All I could say it was “it wasn’t supposed
to be that way - not today!”
For three weeks I was crabby. I didn’t keep up with my
workouts. I ate whatever I wanted. And then it all surfaced. It wasn’t so much
about the race as it was about credibility. The plan post-race was to celebrate that I had
recently completed my USAT Level 1 coaching certification and I had officially
started a business to coach cancer survivors. That race was supposed to give me
the last thing I needed to add to a year of getting fit and surviving cancer………..
credibility.
I finally picked myself up off the ground and started my
workouts again. Then I had a little talking to from my coach – perfect timing. I decided I was going to end the season with a
PR even if it killed me. I ran 72 miles in 15 days - all at the pace I knew I
needed to PR the Rocky Mountain half marathon. No faster and no slower. For the first time, I did not waiver from my
goal while I was out there on the course. I had finally learned that I have a habit of giving
up. Not giving up and quitting but giving up on effort.
I am a USAT Level 1 Certified Coach. And this week I was
hired as one of four coaches for Colorado Wild Women. A team of 50 women new to
triathlon - many of them cancer survivors.
On to Disney!
Last month marked the two-year anniversary of my cancer
diagnosis. If you’re reading this and
you have already donated to my Leukemia and Lymphoma pediatric research initiative
– thank you! If you have not, I would be honored if you would do that now. https://pages.lls.org/tnt/rm/wdw20/DArmstrong
